Scary

It's amazing the things you find yourself doing when you live alone. I came home this afternoon after spending the night at my sister's and found my front door wide OPEN! My heart started pounding at the thought that my door had been open all night and all the things that come with that. I bravely walked up the stairs and set foot into my apartment calling out "hello?" (like the person robbing my place would respond). No answer. I then scoped out the scene. Laptop? Check. T.V.? Check. Bicycle? Check. Phew. All my belongings were in place. No robber in sight. I hate my stupid door. From now on I'm locking the deadbolt before I leave as to not entice anymore accidental door openings.

Maybe I was dumb for going in the apartment alone. But the truth is, nothing in my apartment is worth anything. I guess that's the beauty of being poor, or poor enough that I don't own anything expensive.

The scariest thing that probably came in last night was some extra spiders. Eeew.

Maybe

I am a little conflicted on how to feel tonight. My first inclination is to be sad because tomorrow I will be without the one person who has been with me through everything all year. That chapter of my life is closing. It's always hard when things come to an end -- especially things that made you laugh and cry and see that things really weren't so bad on the worst of days.

Another part of me is trying to focus on the good and see that these sad feelings will not last forever. I want to be thankful for what I have and not concentrate on what I don't. Ooooh, it's so hard. Ok....here I go...

I am thankful that I can count on my family and friends. Especially in the most difficult times, they have stuck by me and loved me for who I am.

I am thankful that I have a job that allows me to have my own apartment and live comfortably. Many people in the world don't have this luxury. It's easy to take for granted.

I have to be thankful for an uncertain future. Maybe next year Thanksgiving will be different. Maybe instead of feeling conflicted, I will feel determined. Instead of feeling heart broken, I will feel loved. Maybe instead of feeling uneasy, I will be confident and ready to take on the world. There's a lot of maybes here but maybe they won't be maybes for long.

A girl can only hope.

Domestic Goddess

Yes, yes, that's me. Break ups have a weird way of affecting people. Tonight I decided to channel my single days and ask myself what I used to do on a Monday evening when I was home alone. CLEAN! I used to clean! So I grabbed my sponge and did dishes. I picked up all the little papers around the house and arranged my school books just so. The clothes all over my bedroom floor were swept up and sorted then thrown in the wash. Then, (this is where it gets very exciting) I ironed my sheets! Have any of you tried this? It seriously took me almost an hour and a half and by the end of the flat sheet I had no energy to iron the duvet cover. Do people do this every time they wash their sheets??? I don't know ladies. That's a lot of work for getting into the bed and wrinkling them back up again. At least I can say I did it.

In other news, my boss offered me a job today. Yay! I know that sounds strange but things got crazy the minute he won the election and he has been receiving about 100 resumes a day. Now I know my job is secure and I will be working for the Mayor. Yippee!!! No job title yet but that will come soon.

For some reason I am feeling more like myself tonight. I even had a grueling conversation with my ex while waiting for 2 hours to get a replacement tire put on my car. It was brutal but I think the cleaning did me some good. The ironing was a little extreme but there will be a great sense of satisfaction climbing into those warm, smooth sheets. I better get my glass of wine and US magazine. Bedtime here I come.

Breaking up is hard to do, Part II

Seriously people, what is up with my life this week??? Read the last post if the title is not making any sense but if it is, I got a FLAT tire this evening leaving my grandparents house in Santa Cruz! Ugh! Luckily my brother in-law was able to change it (I have custom tires and it was looking grim for a while) and I was able to get home.

THEN, when I got home, I walked into my bathroom and a GIANT grasshopper was in my bathroom sink. Why? Why? Why? Granted it could have been a giant spider (for which I'm thankful it wasn't) but a large jumpy thing in the sink is not great either.

Please life, leave me alone! I've had enough for one week.

Breaking up is hard to do

This week has been one where the @#*& hit the fan.

My relationship of 11 months has now ended and the aftermath isn't so pretty. I knew it was not going to last forever, but a part of me was hoping that it would. It's hard to lose that one person who has been your company and support for the last year. It blurs everything and makes the small inconveniences in life seem like major issues.

For example, I was pulling out of my driveway the other day where a group of kids in my apartment complex were playing football. Naturally that football hit my car. After I told the kids they needed to be more careful and drove away, I broke into tears. Why? No good reason. Nothing happened to my car but the incident was enough to get the tears flowing. Same thing with my singing gig last night. It was put together by a hyper-sensitive woman who wanted to micromanage everything I did. Had I been heading home to my honey, it wouldn't have seemed so bad, but my empty apartment was not so welcoming and the empty side of the bed felt like a big black hole.

Although it hurts, I am saying all the right things to myself. I will not feel like this forever, I'm sure I will meet someone new (and may have already) and in a little while life will be back to normal. Those are the things my brain knows and my heart will have to catch up with eventually.

For now, it's one day at a time....